Temptation

Remember B, the guy I blew in his car a few weeks ago? Well...he wants me to suck some of his friends off.

And I'm SO tempted!

I've wanted to do a group/gang for a while now. And this could be fun...I'm all atwitter just thinking about it.

After we met, he had dinner with some guy friends, and like a typical guy, he bragged about getting blown by a 28yr old. Told them what a good job I did...told them how much I like sucking cock...and mentioned it to me afterwards, the idea of being a slut for his friends some night.

We talked about it online the other night, and I'm wet just thinking about it. He would want to get a hotel room, and have the two of us start off alone. We've talked before about being shaved by someone...and I'd have him shave me, another fantasy of mine.

After we played a bit...and I had a few drinks, lol, he'd have his friends cum in, and I'd suck them off. He said there'd be 4 of them, so 5 guys total. He said they'd finger me, maybe even eat me if I'd want - which I would, desperately.

I don't know. I'm so very turned on by this. I can't decide to go for it or not. Is it wrong to do something that I'd have to get liquored up for first? Is it dangerous? Yeah, a little, but I think he can be trusted.

I'd have them take pics with my camera only. I'd eat and wear so much cum...

I told him that I wasn't sure I was okay with being so slutty, that I'd have to live with myself afterwards. He seemed to get that, but I think he also gets off on the idea that he could be the one to bring a slut to his friends, that he's the one who knows me and would set it up.

I don't know. We talked about what I'd wear...and it would be this:



with that same short black skirt. Nothing else. The top is a bit sheer, as you can see, and definitely shows of my tits.

You might be rereading the story of B and I (sorry, I'm too lazy to link to it) and noticing that I wasn't particularly entranced with him, so why bother meeting again?

I'm torn on that one, too. On one hand, a true slut doesn't care, she just takes what is offered and gives when asked. On the other...he wasn't HORRIBLE. On the third hand, lol...I want to suck cock. Do I need to like the person attached to it? I want to get some action and be trashy and fulfill some fantasies and be slutty.

I just don't know.

Welcome Back

Sorry for the absence, if any of the two of you who read this noticed. I went to Puerto Vallarta for a week at an all-inclusive resort. Got lots of sun, drank a bit - but not too much - and otherwise behaved myself. Not necessarily because I wanted to, but because there weren't any options otherwise.

Had I pushed things, I think I could have made out with a 21yr old in the stairwell, but come on - that's a bit young for me, he was drunk, and I've had a nasty cold - so in other words, no, I wasn't that desperate.

I did come back stateside to find that R, the guy I was sleeping with, met someone new and has called things off with me. He did it via email, because he's classy that way. Oh, and he misspelled my name, even though the name is part of the email addy he used. Clever.

Do I really care? No. It wasn't great sex, and he never went down on me. I never really pushed the issue, either, but still. At least I learned something. I need to hold out for what I want and not settle. I sucked his cock often enough, if I wanted my pussy eaten, he should have licked it raw.

I'm just...disappointed, I guess, that even though it was a casual thing, that it's over. I liked getting some play, I liked having a guy in my life, if even in a capacity other than what I truly want.

I'm rambling. I'm discouraged tonight. Vacation was good and relaxing and needed, but seeing all those couples together...and the weddings that took place...and the newlyweds...well...

I'm back, and I'm tan, and I guess that's something to be thankful for in and of itself.

Tuesday Night, Part 2

After I cleaned off my tits, R went back to his work stuff. I grabbed a book and curled up in his bed with his dog. I would alternately read a bit, go into his computer room to smoke and kiss, then go back to bed.

After about an hour or so, he called it quits and came into the bedroom, flopping down next to me. I put the book down and snuggled up next to him, my arm over his stomach and my head on his chest. We talked a bit, but mostly just snuggled. I listened to his breathing growing even and I rubbed his stomach a bit, gently, softly.

I tried to get up to leave once or twice - he was so obviously beat - but he wanted me to stay, told me I could stay a bit. I continued to rub his stomach, just barely touching, nothing sexual about it - or so I thought. After a few minutes, though, he had to 'straighten out,' meaning his cock was getting hard and uncomfortable in the position it was in.

I tried again to leave after that, but I was only teasing. If he was hard, then he would play...and he did.

I climbed on top of him - both still clothed - and began kissing him as I rubbed against his cock. He asked me if I wanted to ride it, knowing what the answer was. I climbed off and we both got undressed. He stroked his cock for a minute while I sat and watched in awe - I love watching.

"You want to ride it?"
"Oh yeah, I do, I do."
"Then get on."
"Get a condom, hurry."

He pulled the condom out, unwrapped it, and stroked a minute more. I had to beg him not to tease. "Please, just put it on, pleeease!" I was already almost straddling him at that point.

Finally, he pushed his cock into me. I wasted no time, but was quickly bouncing on it. I was bent close over him, whimpering in his ear. We fucked like that for a few minutes, and when it was time for a position change, I pulled off. He reached over to finger me, and - again - I gushed all over his bed.

He pulled the condom off and kept stroking, and when I had recovered, I took him in my mouth and finished him off, swallowing every drop.

I don't think he's thrilled with the squirting, though. When I sucked him off, I straddled his leg and thrusted against him. He had me feel his leg after, and it was drenched.

I know I get soaking wet. I know it makes a mess, but I can't help it! I told him it's a good sign, it means I'm that excited, but...I can't help but be self-conscious about it. He's not the only guy to comment on it, either. But what can I do?!?!

I'd love for you to let me know what you think about squirters. Email or comment, all feedback welcome!

Tuesday Night, Part 1

Most of yesterday was spent thinking of riding R's hard cock, so I came home after work instead of going straight to my errands and as I had hoped, made plans with him for later that night.

I had told R I'd get to his place around 7 or 8 last night; it was more like 8:30. Got a haircut first, got a pedicure next...and basically got a late start leaving my place.

Finally got to R's, followed him back to his bedroom, and grabbed a cigarette to put to my lips.

"I've got something else you can put in your mouth," he said, taking the cig from me. As we started to banter, I rubbed up against him and felt his cock, already hard in his pants. I love how immediately hard he is when I get there. I know the anticipation gets him excited, and I'm not going to kid myself into thinking he's hard because he's that attracted to me, but I do like how immediate a response there is.

We started kissing, hard, as I pushed him to his bed. Then...his pager went off.

I knew he was on call, but he's been on call before when I've been over there and nothing has happened. Last night, well...something happened.

He logged into the work system and began diagnosing the issue. I stood behind him for a minute or two, giving his shoulders a rub, which he enjoyed. I wasn't sure what to do, where to go - I didn't want to be in his way, I knew he couldn't help the issue, I didn't want to be rude or show disappointment. I sat in there and smoked one or two with him, letting him drive the conversation.

He explained to me a little of what he does, of what the problem at hand was. For a time, he basically had to monitor the computer screen - see if a job ran smoothly or not. He realized, though, that he could watch the screen from behind me and multi-task...

I was sitting on an angled sit-up bench. I lay down on it, on my back, and he pulled his pants off while standing over my head. I love when a man goes commando, truly.

His hard cock came out and I began to suck on it. It was a very easy suck in that angle. A few times, he would literally go so deep that he would squish his balls onto my nose. I didn't mind that, made it hard to breathe for a second, as he was literally in 'balls deep,' but I'm a champ. :)

I was wearing a zip up sweatshirt, nothing under it, and I unzipped it a bit so he could thwap his cock against my breasts, which he did, mauling them at the same time.

He asked me to lick his ass, something I've not done and frankly don't have any intention on doing. I did suck and lick at his perineum, something I found he LOVES. He very much appreciated that, and he's excellent at giving me feedback. He gasps and moans and tightens up and talks, and I love all of that. My hands were wrapped around his upper thighs at the same time and I was occasionally grabbing and squeezing and smacking his ass...
...and he shot a big, BIG load all over my bare breasts. Coated them in white cum. YUMMY!

News? What News?

Not much new to say since my last post. I'm now a year older, yippee. I had a shitty birthday; glad it's over.

I'm meeting a new online guy (M) on Wednesday for drinks, we just got off the phone. I don't know about this one. We 'met' in an online chat room for BBWs. Him, b/c he likes them, me b/c I am one. He's local, seemingly cute from his pic, and in the age group I prefer to date.

He's also not looking for a relationship, but assures me - though we've talked about sex and its related acts - that he has no assumptions in regards to our meeting.

I still dunno.

He's a little sub, he's said, which is not something I'm into. He says it's not an all-the-time thing, but I still prefer men who are in charge. Not necessarily dom men, but those who will take control. He's also not a fan of smokers, which I am, so...

Can't hurt to meet, though. He wanted to make a pact - he won't go home with me, which I already knew, because I wouldn't let that happen. But, he says, if I like him (and vice versa), I have to kiss him. Eh. I love kissing, good kissing, but a pact sounds stupid. I know it's just his way of breaking the ice, but...whatever.

So why am I bothering? Good point. Guess it can't hurt to make another friend. Yes, I know that's lame. No, I have nothing better.

R is now back from vacation but I haven't seen him yet. He wanted to come over Saturday but I was in no mood for company. I told him later this week we'd get together, I'd check him for tan lines. ;) Since I leave for MY vaction on Saturday, I need to see him to get laid before then! I have plans to ride that cock before I leave...

There's also another new online man (S) I've been talking to, really talking to, and I like what I know very much. It's fun - invigorating, really - to have a crush. Of course, I've learned the hard way that it's very easy for crushes to fizzle once you actually meet in person. I hate that. The disappointment, the ending...that fear has kept me from meeting two online men that I've adored in my past. Of course, neither of those men were local, so that had something to do with it, but still. It's heartbreaking, really, to find someone you can connect with so much on certain levels and then find that connection completely shredded in person.

I'll still meet S though, once we decide to. I can't not meet him.

Oh, and I didn't mention J at all, yet another online man. He's in the proces of asking me out right this moment. We haven't talked sex at all, actually, which I like. He has said a couple things I'm leery of: calling my minimal shoe fetish 'materialistic' - well, duh. Doesn't mean I'm a bad person. Saying, in response to a question I asked: "you can't be that dumb." Um...excuse me?

We'll see. Shaping up to be a busy week.

;)

** UPDATE **

J turned out to be a jerk. Here's the relevant parts of the convo:

J: are you free at all?
FoL: i am on...thursday
J: oh, i was hoping for weds
FoL: ah sorry i have plans on wed
J: but if you have a date then....
FoL: i am meeting someone for drinks on wed
J: lol, sounds like a date to me
FoL: are you free tomorrow at all?
J: wednesday is a date right?
FoL: it's a meeting. i wouldn't call it a date.
FoL: it's just hard for me to think of these as dates when we don't really know each other.
FoL: a date sounds pressure-filled
J: just wondering who gets to meet you first
FoL: it's not a competition
J: life often is
FoL: true
FoL: but there's no need to compete for/about me
J: why is that?
FoL: because i make my own decisions. it's not about 'winning' me or getting to me first. it's about who i click with, who clicks with me.
J: if you click with the guy on weds, you and i won't meet.
FoL: i think that's a big if
J: it happens
FoL: true
FoL: i don't know what to say. i'd like to meet, but i can't on wednesday. if that's an issue, then, well...is it an issue?
J: well, i hope you find what you're looking for on wendesday :-)
FoL: fair enough
FoL: good luck to you
J: i can see you care
FoL: that's not fair
J: yes it is
FoL: what am i supposed to say?
J: you could care less
J: which is why it's good we don't meet
FoL: whatever. you've made this very easy for me.

I then blocked him from viewing me online, and just received this email:
You're a coward to have blocked me in the middle of our conversation.
Best of luck to you...

It's obvious that not meeting this guy is the right move. If he's so bent out of shape because some girl he doesn't know is meeting some other guy FIRST, because the other guy asked first, then...fuck him!

I just hate not having the last word. I'd like to respond and say, "I may be a coward, but at least I have a date on Wednesday," or say "The conversation was through. There's no point in continuing with someone as small minded and irrational as you are." or to say "Fuck you, asshole. Grow up and grow some balls while you're at it."

FUCKER!

I hate dating I hate dating I hate dating. I hate 'meeting' guys this way and all the shit that comes with it.

Fuckin' A. This is why I hate my Ex so much - not because he dumped my ass and left me with a broken, bleeding heart, but b/c he did so, I'm forced back out into the dating world. For that, he will never be forgiven.

Internal

Been a slow week - rainy and stormy the entire time, so I stayed home every night. Been trying to put into words something I want to discuss here, but it's hard to do, for some reason.

I mentioned A in my last post, and as I expected, I did not meet up with him. By the time he called, I was already in my jammies and settled down for the night, and he was still about 30 minutes away. We did talk for a while, traded some stories, and we both came while talking.

During that conversation, A reminded me of our history together. We've only met once, and he's either the first or second online man that I ever played with. Our meeting was fun and exciting and after that, we continued to talk a bit online. After a while, though, things started to get to me.

A is married, and I started to feel guilty for enabling him in his search for marital affair fun. I wasn't the only one A was hooking up with, but I still felt guilty for playing a part.

More than that, though, I started to feel...well...used. Not necessarily by A, and certainly not only by him, but the playing I was doing with random men started to get to me.

I'm smart. Well educated, well spoken. I have a good job, I'm self-sufficient, I'm, well...normal. Okay, normal enough, I guess. And yet, some guys - many guys (in my experience) - will only show interest if they know I'll play.

I'm not discounting that or saying that's wrong or bad. But while I love sex, and sucking, and playing, I want to find - to be in, to be part of - an actual, committed, solid relationship. All the playing around I was doing was taking a toll on my self-esteem. All the playing around I was doing wasn't getting me into something good, something lasting.

Sure, I felt sexy - these guys were complimenting me, wanting to be with me, getting off to their memories of me later on. It's a turn on. It's an ego trip. But as we know, it's not necessarily sincere.

I do believe that I'm more than just a mouth, more than just a cum dumpster. There's a lot more to me than just my suction skills. I want a guy who will recognize that. I want a guy who will want all of me, who doesn't just want to be with me because he knows I'll suck him off.

So, you see, all of the random playing I was doing was really hurting me in the long run. My ego was being boosted because I was complimented and wanted, but my ego and spirit were also being damaged, because I knew I wasn't wanted for any 'real' reasons.

That's why I stopped playing for so long with random online men. That's why, now as I start back up again, I know to be wary of it, to not get in as deep.

I know there are some readers who may/do disagree with my thought process, such as it is. Who think that none of what I call the 'real' things matter, and that as long as both parties are willing, fun should be had. There's more I want to say on that, and some emails I want to respond to, but I think we need to just agree to disagree here. I want the entire package. I don't think I should settle for less.

This is pretty disjointed; cramps are making it hard to focus. Hopefully my point is understood. And A? As for you...well, you know where to find me.

As Usual...

...things don't go the way I want them too!

Friday night I had dinner/drinks out with friends, that went fine.

Saturday I had family time, that went fine.

Saturday night, I was going to meet a new online guy. He's the 40yr old - let's call him B. He was going to be online around 10pm, but when it got to be almost 11, I logged off and said screw it. He wanted to get together when we did talk that night, but it was after 12 and I get to be an old lady. Once the contacts are out and the clothes are off...it's hard work getting me back in either!

Sunday during the day I went to this hottub place to meet a new guy. I had been playing that very cool - not much sexual talk, we didn't meet in a sex room, he's my age (for once!), I thought it would be cool. There's a hottub place around here that lets you rent suites for an hour or so. He was going anyway - he's a contractor and wanted the relaxation of his muscles - and it sounded like fun. Something new, something different, something where I wouldn't have to suck his cock if I didn't want to.

I showed up, waited, and he never came. To say I was pissed was an understatement! He had told me his cell phone was busted, so no # to call, and while I believed that...still. I emailed him when I got back home and haven't heard anything yet.

When I made the plans with Hottub Guy, I turned down meeting B during the day. Well, I got home from my non-hottub fun, and found B online. He couldn't do an early dinner, as he had plans, but I hadn't eaten yet, so we met up at a local bar.

Two drinks and a burger for me, yay! I was wearing what I'm wearing now - a bright pink tank top (no bra) and the same short black skirt I've been wearing lately. Guess that's about due for a wash, huh? Anyway, A & I met at a local bar, and I got a quick kiss and an ass slap on the way in.

He definitely looks his age, and he's a bit of a bigger man. Was I attracted to him? Not really, but I could see the appeal. We sat at a tiny booth and I felt everyone in the place watching us, trying to decide what our relationship was. I don't like that part of meeting older men; I don't like the attention or the looks people give us. It didn't help this time that A groped my bare legs a few times under the table.

While he settled the bill, I went outside to have a smoke. When he joined me, he pulled me into a tiny alley next to the bar and started pinching my nipples through my tank top. I had to tell him - more than once - to go easy on them. Damn did that hurt! He also reached up under my skirt and fingered me. I came, dripping down my leg, as we kissed and he fondled me. Something about being in broad daylight, with a stranger, in public...it was very hot.

We got in his car and drove around a bit, trying to find a place where I could suck him off. He kept reaching down my tank top and pulling my tits out, trying to show them off to people. I kind of minded this - at one point, he wanted to flash a guy but he didn't realize there were kids there, too. He flashed a woman, once, with my tits, which is easier to do than it sounds, and I wasn't too pleased about that. And again, he was too hard on the nipples.

He also had his cock out of his jeans at this point (commando underneath), and it was a big fat uncircumsized cock. I stroked it a bit while we were driving, but again, didn't feel comfortable doing it when everyone could see. I'm all for being risky, but there's a time and a place, you know?

Anyway, we finally found a place to park, and I sucked his cock dry. Went straight down the gullet, I barely tasted the cum. We both had plans immediately after so he just dropped me at my car afterwards. He wants to get together tonight again but what he doesn't know is that it was a one-time deal.

Right now, I'm waiting for A to call, but I'm not sure I'll get together with him. Initially he said 7pm, and now he thought 9pm, and I want to watch Gray's Anatomy, so...guess we'll see if I get 2 loads tonight or just one!

Weekend Fun

Right now, I'm naked and shaved, waiting for a new online boytoy to cum online and tell me where he wants to meet. So far it's been good banter and he knows not to expect anything from me, though I will of course suck his cock at the least.

He's 40yrs old, and while not the oldest that I'll have sucked, certainly the oldest in quite a few years!

I also got an email from A, one of the first online men I ever met to play with. Looks like we might be getting together tomorrow. He is the man who wants to take me to my first glory hole experience. I don't think we'll do that tomorrow - for some reason, I'm just not keen on doing that on a work night - but getting together will still be fun.

Hope you all are out sexing it up!

TGIF!

I'm sooooo horny. I would fuck whoever asked me right now. No sexy weekend plans, but I'm hoping someone will cum up! I have dinner/drinks with friends tonight, family during the day tomorrow, and lunch with a friend on Sunday. There's room to fit someone cock in (my mouth) in between, right?!?!

Not to mention, I bought 2 new nighties yesterday - one sheer, whoo hoo! Two new bras, and then one bra-and-panty set. I'm wearing the new set now, it's blue and lacy and oh-so-pretty! My shirt is a bit lowcut, too, so guess people will be getting peeks - oops!

;)

S E X

Yes, I broke my dry spell last night.

When R im'd me yesterday, he said he was busy doing a bunch of things, and he gave me the list. On it was jerking off. I laughed, said I was glad to see it. He asked if I wanted to cum over and watch. I said I'd do more than watch, and he asked what I'd do. I told him he knew I'd suck his cock.

Then he said I should cum over with a lot of red lipstick on, and I asked if he wanted me to dress like a trashy slut. THAT got him going!

So I showed up in my new lingerie and the same short black skirt from the other night. I also had a black zip up sweatshirt on - lol, not quite that daring!

I got into his place, and we walked back to his bedroom, which was all nice and cleaned up for once, lol. He had the video cam all set up on the tripod and asked if I wanted him to take a pic. I told him no videos but I was okay with pictures.

Climbed on the bed and stretched out; he stood right next to me, and I looked down to see if he was hard. He asked what I was looking at and started to undo his belt.

"Let me do that," I said, and I finished undoing his belt, then the button and zipper. He was naked underneath and hard - yum! Got his pants off...then made him take off his socks...then his shirt...

I started sucking on him and told him to get his camera. He took a couple shots of me with my mouth around his dick. it was so good, and he asked what I was going to do with his cock.

"Where do you want it, what do you want to do with that?"

I looked up at him. "You want to fuck me?"

"YESSSS!" His voice was all low and sexy, his eyes were slitted. I told him to fuck me, then, if he wanted it.

"How do you want it?" he asked. "Me on top, doggy, what?" "I want you behind me," I said, "so you can smack my ass while you fuck me."

He pulled the condom on quick. I was already spread out before him. He slid into me very easily and started fucking me. Mmmm it felt good! Nice to have a cock in me! I started fucking back against him, then, after about a minute of that, turned around and told him to get on top.

He did, his warm body slapping against mine, me moaning and gasping and him grunting on top of me.

He pulled out, then, and started fingering me. I LOVE BEING FINGERED! He had his fingers, one, two, I'm not sure, inside of me, then started with his other hand rubbing my clit. DAMN!

He would pull my head down onto his cock and fuck my face while he fingered me, but he was going too deep and I was having trouble concentrating, lol. He kept on with the fingering and I gushed - squirted - all over his hand. He said, "oh, you're squirting, aren't you," and he kept rubbing me.

He pulled the condom off and started jacking his cock hard. I asked if he was going to shoot on my face and he grunted, and then pulled me down closer and came all over my face. Shot a nice big load on me!

I told him to get his camera and take a picture, and he did. Let's just hope he sends it to me!

We sat and smoked, talked for about an hour. I asked if he had another round in him, he didn't. :( He said, "Well, you squirted all over my bed, I'd think you'd be done." When I laughed at that, he amended his statement to say maybe not done, but happy.

And for the most part, I was. Problem is, now I want sex AGAIN and NOW! He's gone on vacation for about a week, so we'll see...

The Sex

Had it tonight with R. Didn't suck, but wasn't the best ever. I'll detail it out for ya'll later, including how I squirted all over his bedspread.

Whoops. :)

Breakdown

Tonight's apparently the night when I start questioning my slutty acts and wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. I want so much more than to just be a cocksucker, I want so much more than to just be liked because I'll drop to my knees.

I've been showing in a lot of online chat rooms lately and I love it, I get off on it, on knowing I'm being so naughty and showing perfect strangers my tits, my pussy, my pleasure. It's so wrong, though. Isn't it?

I tried to get some Friday night from a stranger. Saturday I made plans to meet another stranger, but he cancelled at the last minute. Sunday I was supposed to meet R again. All of this is fun at the time, but I leave unfulfilled, even though there's a load of protein inside me.

I don't know how to balance finding/keeping a 'real' relationship with being slutty, with loving sex. I've never dated men I could open up to about it, and I've never dated men who truly satisfied me sexually. I've always wanted more than I got (sexually) and now I want more than I'm finding.

It's so easy to stay at home and get myself off with random, far away men online. It's SO easy, and it's fun and exciting and thrilling. But it's harder to step away and search out something real, something more than just being on my knees.

My birthday is coming up, and I already know how I'll spend it. Naked and online and being the slutty young girl that so many men fantasize about.

I just wish I could find someone to help fulfill my fantasy.

Stupid Difficulties

As in, caused by stupidity.

Accidentally commented on a friend's site under this login - whoops! Luckily she's the only person in 'real' life who knows I'm trying new things, and as a bi, horny, loves-to-fuck-and-suck girl, she was cool with not checking things out here and deleting my comment so that traffic from her site doesn't see here.

Some of the info I will be posting in R form on my 'normal' site, so didn't want that crossover.

Gotta love friends you can trust!

Anyway, that's why some of the posts disappeared for a brief time late last night / early this morning - but they're all back now!