News? What News?

Not much new to say since my last post. I'm now a year older, yippee. I had a shitty birthday; glad it's over.

I'm meeting a new online guy (M) on Wednesday for drinks, we just got off the phone. I don't know about this one. We 'met' in an online chat room for BBWs. Him, b/c he likes them, me b/c I am one. He's local, seemingly cute from his pic, and in the age group I prefer to date.

He's also not looking for a relationship, but assures me - though we've talked about sex and its related acts - that he has no assumptions in regards to our meeting.

I still dunno.

He's a little sub, he's said, which is not something I'm into. He says it's not an all-the-time thing, but I still prefer men who are in charge. Not necessarily dom men, but those who will take control. He's also not a fan of smokers, which I am, so...

Can't hurt to meet, though. He wanted to make a pact - he won't go home with me, which I already knew, because I wouldn't let that happen. But, he says, if I like him (and vice versa), I have to kiss him. Eh. I love kissing, good kissing, but a pact sounds stupid. I know it's just his way of breaking the ice, but...whatever.

So why am I bothering? Good point. Guess it can't hurt to make another friend. Yes, I know that's lame. No, I have nothing better.

R is now back from vacation but I haven't seen him yet. He wanted to come over Saturday but I was in no mood for company. I told him later this week we'd get together, I'd check him for tan lines. ;) Since I leave for MY vaction on Saturday, I need to see him to get laid before then! I have plans to ride that cock before I leave...

There's also another new online man (S) I've been talking to, really talking to, and I like what I know very much. It's fun - invigorating, really - to have a crush. Of course, I've learned the hard way that it's very easy for crushes to fizzle once you actually meet in person. I hate that. The disappointment, the ending...that fear has kept me from meeting two online men that I've adored in my past. Of course, neither of those men were local, so that had something to do with it, but still. It's heartbreaking, really, to find someone you can connect with so much on certain levels and then find that connection completely shredded in person.

I'll still meet S though, once we decide to. I can't not meet him.

Oh, and I didn't mention J at all, yet another online man. He's in the proces of asking me out right this moment. We haven't talked sex at all, actually, which I like. He has said a couple things I'm leery of: calling my minimal shoe fetish 'materialistic' - well, duh. Doesn't mean I'm a bad person. Saying, in response to a question I asked: "you can't be that dumb." Um...excuse me?

We'll see. Shaping up to be a busy week.

;)

** UPDATE **

J turned out to be a jerk. Here's the relevant parts of the convo:

J: are you free at all?
FoL: i am on...thursday
J: oh, i was hoping for weds
FoL: ah sorry i have plans on wed
J: but if you have a date then....
FoL: i am meeting someone for drinks on wed
J: lol, sounds like a date to me
FoL: are you free tomorrow at all?
J: wednesday is a date right?
FoL: it's a meeting. i wouldn't call it a date.
FoL: it's just hard for me to think of these as dates when we don't really know each other.
FoL: a date sounds pressure-filled
J: just wondering who gets to meet you first
FoL: it's not a competition
J: life often is
FoL: true
FoL: but there's no need to compete for/about me
J: why is that?
FoL: because i make my own decisions. it's not about 'winning' me or getting to me first. it's about who i click with, who clicks with me.
J: if you click with the guy on weds, you and i won't meet.
FoL: i think that's a big if
J: it happens
FoL: true
FoL: i don't know what to say. i'd like to meet, but i can't on wednesday. if that's an issue, then, well...is it an issue?
J: well, i hope you find what you're looking for on wendesday :-)
FoL: fair enough
FoL: good luck to you
J: i can see you care
FoL: that's not fair
J: yes it is
FoL: what am i supposed to say?
J: you could care less
J: which is why it's good we don't meet
FoL: whatever. you've made this very easy for me.

I then blocked him from viewing me online, and just received this email:
You're a coward to have blocked me in the middle of our conversation.
Best of luck to you...

It's obvious that not meeting this guy is the right move. If he's so bent out of shape because some girl he doesn't know is meeting some other guy FIRST, because the other guy asked first, then...fuck him!

I just hate not having the last word. I'd like to respond and say, "I may be a coward, but at least I have a date on Wednesday," or say "The conversation was through. There's no point in continuing with someone as small minded and irrational as you are." or to say "Fuck you, asshole. Grow up and grow some balls while you're at it."

FUCKER!

I hate dating I hate dating I hate dating. I hate 'meeting' guys this way and all the shit that comes with it.

Fuckin' A. This is why I hate my Ex so much - not because he dumped my ass and left me with a broken, bleeding heart, but b/c he did so, I'm forced back out into the dating world. For that, he will never be forgiven.